You Won’t Find Natalie Portman Nude Here

You Won’t Find Natalie Portman Nude Here

Trying to find Natalie Portman nude, huh? Then what the hell are you doing here? She’s not nude anywhere on this website, as the title above should’ve made clear. I won’t show you anything of her beyond her beautiful face, and you’ll just have to accept that. If you want to read on, go ahead, though I’m not sure why you would.

Okay, since you’re still here, I’ll give you a few photos to look at, which may or may not meet at least a little of your needs.

What’s that? These don’t cut it? Oh well, it’s the best I can do, man. It’s… the best I can do.

“C’mon, you’re just hiding images of Natalie Portman nude, aren’t you?”

Natalie Portman wearing a dust mask

I don’t know why you’d think this, but I can assure you I’m not. Natalie Portman doesn’t appear nude anywhere here, and never will. However, if you’re really that desperate and pathetic, I can direct you to her profile over on Mr. Skin, which has her at a 3-star rating of “Great Nudity!” Yeah, she’s appeared nude in certain films, and not through a body double like her Black Swan co-star Mila Kunis. And according to this pic from DeviantArt on the right, she has an affinity for dust masks, too.

You’ll find a naked Natalie Portman briefly in Hotel Chevalier, in which she shows some butt, and she also shoes a bit of boobs and butt in No Strings Attached, but other than those two films, you’re shit out of luck. (Side note: It’s kind of funny how she’s with Mila Kunis’ husband Ashton Kutcher in No Strings Attached, showing skin, while Mila doesn’t show shit in her film’s counterpart, Friends with Benefits.)

Don’t worry, though, because she may do some more nude scenes in the future that can churn your nuggets. For now, I’ll direct you to some more satisfying material so you’ll give me a pardon for coining the phrase “churn your nuggets.”

Churn your nuggets with some Natalie Portman fakes

She may not show a whole lot in her films, at least not enough to really rev your engine, but some artistes out there share your desires and sympathies. Sites like cfake.com have done the honor of showcasing collections of Natalie Portman fakes, which consist of her out-of-context amused or shocked faces superimposed over the bodies of porn actresses in action, whose bare bodies may or may not resemble hers.

Some might convince your brain they’re actually her, somehow hiding the fact from the world that she appeared in porn, while others… not so much.

“So, why does this website exist again?”

Plain and simple, this website is here to make it clear that you won’t find Natalie Portman nude here, or any other actresses in your questionable Google search history. I hope you realize at this point that you won’t see anything more here, and there’s really no reason for you to be reading this far. I’m amazed you made it to the bottom, but thanks for visiting!

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